Sunday, December 4, 2011

"Breaking Dawn" parodied script

I'll admit it, I am a bit of a "Twilight" fan. No, they're not great literature, and yes it is a guilty pleasure, but I still like them.
Eric D Snider writes some of the funniest stuff on his "Snide Remarks" columns, but I always look forward to the "rejected" Twilight scripts. This last one is fantastic! Click here to read it.
Some of my favorite parts:

"BELLA: So your big dark secret is that you, a vampire, have a history of drinking people's blood?"

"JACOB: Bella, he'll kill you! He'll kill you with sex!"

"BELLA: ... I'm pregnant.
EDWARD: What?! That's impossible for several reasons! One, vampires are infertile. Two, it's only been a couple weeks. Three, you can't get pregnant on an island.
BELLA: But it's -- wait, what?
EDWARD: Sorry, the last time I took a high school health class was in 1932. Some of my information might be outdated. "

"JACOB: Listen, Cedric Diggory. I love her more than you do. At least I didn't beat her up with sex and put a devil baby in her!
EDWARD: Whatever, Sharkboy! You're just jealous that you CAN'T do those things because you're all smooth and plastic down there, like a Ken doll."

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